Monday, March 19, 2012

50 is Not Supposed to be HOT



I was trolling around the book store the other day and saw a magazine withDiane Von Furstenberg on the cover.Couldn't find it per se, but here's Big D with scary Ashley Olsen and lovely Sophia Coppola

She's wearing one of her own designs, some sort of short sleeve coctail-ish dress with lots o' sparkles. Her chest area looks flawless. Hair is long and chestnut brown and flowing out in curly waves behind her. The face is in great shape--- whether artificially enhanced or not---but the bottom line is she doesn't look 25. She looks like a woman who's taken advantage of everything that's out there...but SHE STILL LOOKS OLD! She's still 66. And doesn't look young OR good. It made me think that even IF I had the $$$ to Botox and lift myself up and out, maybe I just wouldn't do it.
What about just looking APPROPRIATE?? What if I just decided to look like a great old lady?
What's that thing they say about women who look 15 from the back and 50 in the front?? I know there's a clever ditty for that phenomenon, but I can't remember it. But I see 'em all the time. Low cut jeans, high heel boots, perfectly highlighted hair, IT-bag...and a face that's screaming 57!!!

OK. No more. Not for me. I'm worn out from trying to look 35 when the most powerful weapon in my arsenal is a 6 year old tube of Stri-Vectin my mom gave me. Here's what I'm going to do to change my beauty routine.
I'm throwing down some big challenges for myself. You can play along at home too---make your own list and post it. Here we go:

1. No hair dye. I'm right at that point... grays are starting, but I HAVE STAY OFF THE HAIR-DYE TRAIN. I'm going to be the hip, cool lady with the striking gray hair. I have a whole, epically long rant about hair dye, but I'll save that for later.

2. Conversely, #2 is more make-up. I'm so tired of people telling me I look so tired. If all it takes is a little concealer, eye liner and lipstick, then I'm in. I want to look better, (again that buzz word APPROPRIATE), but not dead.

3. Forget dieting. I'm 10 lbs. overweight and there I'm going to stay. What's really bad for my health is my utter lack of physical fitness. My kids are starting to treat me like they treat my 78 year old father: "Mom, should we drop you off here??" and "We're all going on a hike, Bye mom!" and, the worst "C'mon Mom, you have to push yourself". Urf.
Plus I'll bet if I felt better (and didn't get winded going out to get the mail), I'd look better too.

4. Let's dress up. I've got to face it, I dress like shit. I have no business shopping at Forever 21 (not that I could ever hope to even fit into a XL in that teeny-tiny shop). The Gap should be the youngest I dare to go. J.Crew would be better and if the sky opened up and 10K fell out, I'd be all over that Boden stuff. But jeans and a long sleeveTarget t-shirt (what? again?) should be retired.

5. Drink more wine. You know what? I really like drinking. I'm way more fun after a glass of wine. I should definitely work this in to my day.

6. And now to fly in the face of #s 1-5 and be a total hypocrite, I'm going to lie about my age. This is an old joke in my house that my kids absolutely hate, but on my last birthday, I told people I was turning 50 (I'm really 46). People went NUTS! The compliments, the astonishment/disbelief...it was a riot. I followed with the punch line "...and I'm going to be 50 for the next 4 years". But really-- why not? Voila! There's my face-lift, Botox and microdermabrasion for free! Because for 50, I look awesome.

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